So I’ve been a bit behind on blogging lately… Mostly because I just finished up finals and needed to put my focus towards studying and finishing up my final projects. But there’s another reason why…
Ever since I moved to LA, I’ve felt lonely and sluggish, despite all of the chaos around me. I don’t know what it is about this city, but it totally changes you, and in my case, for the worse. I’ve noticed that I get irritated much more easily now, I don’t want to get out of bed and face the day, I have no motivation to exercise, etc. It is called “Tinseltown,” but LA is not all that it’s cracked up to be. I do know I’m not alone in this thought, because we were actually talking about it in one of my classes, and Meghan Rosette was also talking about how she “hates LA” and feels like she doesn’t have any friends here in one of her recent Vlogmas videos.
Before I moved, I was very involved at my church, and was going to chapel on Sunday night, and college group on Thursday night. After moving, I still made it down for Thursday nights, but it wasn’t enough for me. I tried out a church in Hollywood, but was too scared to try and get involved, and felt like I would be “cheating” on my church at home (I know, that sounds ridiculous…). I think not going to church for about three months (longest I’ve gone without going to church), has made a big impact on me. I haven’t been getting the spiritual nourishment that I need, and I feel like my soul is so thirsty.
This morning, I decided to pull out my Jesus Calling book (I’ve fallen behind on that too..), was catching up on the last few days, and December 17th really hit home for me. Here’s what it said:
“Come to Me with your gaping emptiness, knowing that in Me you are complete. As you rest quietly in My Presence, My Light within you grows brighter and brighter. Facing the emptiness inside you is simply the prelude to being filled with My fullness. Therefore, rejoice on those days when you drag yourself out of bed, feeling sluggish and inadequate. Tell yourself that this is a perfect day to depend on Me in childlike trust. If you persevere in this dependence as you go through the day, you will discover at bedtime that Joy and Peace have become your companions. You may not realize at what point they joined you on your journey, but you will feel the beneficial effects of their presence. The perfect end to such a day is a doxology of gratitude. I am He from whom all blessings flow!”
This was exactly what I needed this morning, because I was feeling exactly what it said: “empty, sluggish and inadequate.” Lately, as in the past couple years, I have started to depend more on material things, like clothes, makeup, money, etc. for fulfillment instead of God’s love, peace, joy, etc. It’s so hard to always remember to do, but it’s SO necessary.
I moved here not only to attend the FIDM LA campus, but to also be a light, and I am completely failing at that. I just need to depend on God and His light will shine through me and it will “grow brighter and brighter.”
If you’re still reading this, props to you! I had so many thoughts running through my mind while writing this, and I would not be surprised it if it was hard to follow.